Struggling to Read

            How was it possible that I could make it all the way through the public school system and not really be able to functionally read?   Oh, I could read a little, the small words that were used frequently but had no clue as to how to decode a word.  Not knowing how to break a word into syllables or to sound it out was a problem for me, as I had no idea what each letter sound was or that they even had more than one sound.  I had a strong desire to know things but the only way I could really know anything was to take someone else’s word for it.   I could not read or comprehend on the level that our society demands.  I spent a lot of time faking it.

When silent reading time came in my 3rd grade class I heaved a heavy sigh inside.  There were books on a counter that we could read if we didn’t have our own.  I would wander over to the counter and pick the biggest and prettiest book to read.  Arriving at my desk, I would set the book in front of me, pretending to read, moving my head back and forth and then loudly turning the pages so everyone around me could hear and see me “reading”.  After all, that was what I perceived my classmates were doing.  Staring at page after page got boring so I would skip lots of pages at a time, then give a heavy sigh and slap the book closed as though I had finished reading the whole thing.  Getting up and returning the book to the counter, I would retrieve another, only to repeat the process as many times as necessary until reading time was over. It seemed so senseless to me, but I guessed that is what you are supposed to do when you are in 3rd grade.

Having gone to seven different elementary schools by the time I was in 4th grade, I sat in class and often wondered how the other kids knew what to do.  I remember having to do a  book report and I couldn’t read a book well enough to even know what the book was about.  I read the back cover to the extent that I could read and tried to use that information for my report.  I passed. 

Junior high school was so boring and I was totally lost but somehow made it through with at least passing grades, despite the fact, that by then, I had become a behavior problem.  High school was even harder and I had no idea what was going on, but needless to say, I graduated, not with the highest grades, but I passed and I was even able to get into a small college.

College was a little trickier as I couldn’t read the text books well enough to know what they said.  So, I listened very closely in class.  When test time came, I could at least pull off a “C” as long as the questions were from the lectures and multiple choice.  After taking a class where the material tested on was strictly from the book and not from the lecture, I found it beneficial to drop the class before I flunked.  It was crucial for me to find professors who didn’t test this way if I wanted to pass the class.

During my freshman year a friend who spent time with me reading and discussing the Bible always did the reading, until one day he asked me to read. Horrified, I tried to laugh it off. “I really can’t read,” I told him, hoping to be let off the hook and not have to read aloud in front of someone.

“I don’t believe that, you can’t get into college if you can’t read,” he told me, but after much coercion to read aloud, I began to prove my point.   Fairly quickly he said, “You really can’t read, can you?”

To my humiliation and embarrassment, I said, “I told you I couldn’t.”

Being a person who thought he could fix any problem he said, “You need to learn how.  Here’s what you do.  Every day read your Bible out loud, and your reading will improve.” 

I took his advice, each morning before my classes I would get up early to spend some time reading aloud.  Sitting in a quite stairwell, in my dormitory, reading out loud at least a chapter from my Bible before breakfast, did help a little. But, there were still so many words I had no idea how to read, so I just skipped or guessed what they were.  Nevertheless, after four years I did graduate with a degree in Psychology.  To be honest, I could hardly believe I graduated.  My GPA was low but I did graduate. 

A few years after graduating from college I married.  My husband and I didn’t have a TV, so for entertainment, in the evenings, we would read books together.   Christian Radio was something I loved listening to.  I would hear a story or interview that would spark my interest and would want to read the book they were promoting. I would call the toll free number and order the book. These were the books we read. My hunger for knowledge was strong. Reading a book aloud together, mostly with me reading, was probably difficult to listen to as I stumbled through the words, skipping ones I couldn’t read or taking a wild guess at what they were. I have to say, my loving and patient husband never complained as he listened, prompted me on words I didn’t know and didn’t even fall asleep.
  

My first son was born in 1986 and I was determined that my child would not fall between the cracks in the public school system as I had done.  I heard on the Christian radio station of people who educated their children at home.  I thought this sounded like something that could keep a child from having an experience like I had. Having never met one of these “homeschoolers” I began asking around and one of my friends told me she had a neighbor who homeschooled.  I found out she was having a yard sale, so I showed up, just so I could meet her.  That was my first encounter with this new way to educate children.

By the time my son was 3, I purchased a book called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons by Siegfried Engelmann.  I opened that book and a whole new world opened up to me.  It was so simple, starting with how to blend letters to make words.  WOW!  I was so excited I began to look at books and words in a whole new light.  I started reading words I had not been able to read before.  By the time my son was 5, I ordered a very complete phonics program that went more in-depth.  When I opened the box and looked at it I broke out in tears, because I didn’t know how I could possibly teach this to my son.  It came with a tape and I immediately listened to it and realized I couldn’t even hear the difference in a short “e” and a short “I”.  Now part of this comes from growing up in the south where there isn’t a distinction in words like “pin” and “pen”.   I felt defeated but was determined, not only was I going to teach my son to read but I was going to learn to read myself. 

As I did that phonics program, learning along with my son, I was amazed at the things I never knew.  I read every children’s book I could get my hands on.  I loved reading!!   As the years went by I taught each of my 5 children to read and write and do all the things that I should have learned in school.   I took my kids to the library and we started reading the children’s books starting with the “A’s” and going to the end of the alphabet. We didn’t read every book in the library but we read a lot of them. Many times I walked out of the library with as many books as my 5 kids and I could carry, sometimes as many as 90 books and we would spend hours reading together.  As my kids advanced, I advanced.   Starting with very simple books and advancing to harder and harder books a whole new world was now at my fingertips.   I am so thankful for the privilege of homeschooling my kids and being able to learn along with them.  My confidence level soared!!! 

The skills I gained teaching my own children have served me well as I have had to read to get medical help for several serious medical issues in our family. Without this skill I would be at the mercy of doctors who had no answers for us.

As I look at my grown children and my teenagers I am amazed.  I have graduated 4 of my 5 children from homeschool with my oldest becoming a National Merit Scholar and getting his Master’s degree in Electrical and Computer Engineering. 

I also make it my goal to read through my Bible each year, because I am so hungry for God’s Word in my life; I don’t always get all the way through in one year but I have done it many times,  thanks to now being able to really read. I am also so proud to say that my oldest daughter read through her entire Bible four times before she was 17.  That gives me an incredible amount of joy, knowing there will be benefits from this in her life as a mom and wife to a military man.

 I lived my first 30 years with so many questions and the only way I could get answers was to depend on another person to tell me. Now, I can read anything and learn all I want! I can pick up a book or google it and learn for myself. I don’t have to take someone else’s word for it.  The adventures I took with my kids through the books we read together, I will always treasure.  But, most of all, I don’t have to fake it anymore.